Whether or not you've hit that point yet, you know all about the
expectations. We're not talking about the practicalities here—the
questions of how (or whether) to deal with your publisher, agent, deadline
and contract terms. What we're talking about here is the other part
of what happens after the first sale.
The emotional part.
Good and bad.
Ask any published author to tell you about her first sale,
and you'll see her eyes light up. It's like asking a bride to tell you
about how she got her engagement ring—it's the story of a validation, of
having attained a coveted status, of being able to tell the world "I made
it!"
And it's a great feeling. No
question. But in a world where we all know that an engagement ring doesn't
guarantee a hundred-percent happy future, it's good to remember what Anne
Lamott said in Bird by
Bird,or rather what she
quoted a coach as saying about victory: "If you're not enough before the
gold medal, you won't be enough with it."
Try replacing "gold medal" with "book sale," and the author's
conclusion makes sense: "Being enough was going to have to be an inside
job."
So okay. I know that. I know perfectly well that selling my
first book (or any book) isn't going to make the difference between
my feeling like a worthwhile person and a worthless piece of protoplasm.
But it's amazingly easy to forget
that when all the congratulations are pouring in, the electronic cards are
glittering with fireworks, the roses are being presented amidst thunderous
applause and the clerk at the champagne counter is repeating in tones of
awe, "You actually sold a book?"
(Take a minute to enjoy anticipating or remembering the
feeling, okay? As writers, we can put ourselves in any scene we want, and
we might as well take advantage of that gift!)
Okay, now that we're all tingling from that warm, happy
glow...
There is nothing—repeat, nothing—wrong with enjoying
the glorious hubbub of a first sale. It's wonderful. That sense of
validation is nothing more than what we deserve after having worked
so hard, for so long, with so little acknowledgment. We're entitled to
bask in all the glory we can get, for as long as we can get it. We've
earned it, and we darned well deserve to enjoy it!
The only danger is in thinking that it's the beginning of a
whole new life of fireworks and roses and champagne and (because we're
realistic) maybe even a few problems, sure, like how to make the next book
even better and which publisher to cozy up with and how to combine the
demands of a family with those of an adoring editor...we're rational
adults; we understand there are always going to be problems.
We know that. And we're ready for
it.
So it's all the more devastating
when the problems that arise aren't the problems we expected.
What are they?
For me, the problem was that my editor didn't want the next
manuscript I sent her. Or the next one.
Or the one after that. I was stunned—everyone
else I'd seen sell a first book had kept right on selling. What was
the matter with me?
For a friend, the problem was that she didn't sell to the
line she'd hoped for...it was a sale, yes, but not the one she'd dreamed
of. "A bittersweet victory," she called it.
For another writer, the problem was that the publisher who
bought her manuscript folded before the book could hit the shelves. For
another, it was the realization that she didn't feel the same dazzling
sense of competence and control attributed to those renowned authors in
all the glowing articles. Another found that some of her fellow writers
looked down on her publishing house, which meant she didn't get quite the
same sense of status other first-sellers got.
Still another discovered that getting her book published
didn't yield the kind of money she'd been expecting. Another, that the
editor didn't call her for input on cover art, publicity and so on.
Another— Shoot, this is getting depressing. Let's switch from
the problems to the solutions.
Actually, there are only two solutions.
But they cover a lot of ground.
The first solution is—forget your
expectations.
That's a hard one. We all have expectations. We live with
them. We expect that the sun will rise tomorrow morning, that the friends
who liked us yesterday will still like us next week, that nobody's
gonna come racing down the wrong side of the
road and crash into us head-on...and almost always, we're right.
But anytime we're disappointed,
it's because an expectation has not been met. There is no
disappointment which isn't preceded by an
un-met expectation.
And in fact, the people who stay
the happiest, the longest, about their first (or any) sale are those who
either see all their great expectations come true...or those who didn't
have any unrealistic expectations in the first place.
A writer who expects to sell her first book and then open a
bottle of champagne is not likely to be disappointed (always assuming the
liquor stores are open when she sells!) because that expectation is
something she can control...even if it means stocking up on champagne the
day she puts her manuscript in the mail.
A writer who expects to sell her first book and never get
another rejection letter is far more likely to be disappointed,
because—right, you got it. (Even 40- and 50-book authors still suffer
rejections...which I wouldn't have believed if
I hadn't heard it directly from them!)
Okay, so "forgetting expectations" is the first solution. The
second one is..."enjoy the process."
The writing process is really the only thing you can control.
(And if it's causing you more grief than
pleasure, maybe it's time to think about finding some other pursuit.) But
the joy of writing that first got you started, the fun of making up
characters who live out scenes only you can create...regardless of what
happens with the rest of the business, that endures.
Regardless of expectations...regardless of
disappointments...the writing process itself is
all you can really control.
And if you total up the thrills that accompany a first sale,
then weigh that against the total of thrills that accompany writing story
after story, scene after scene, book after book...it's no contest.
Enjoying the process lasts far, far longer than any first-sale fireworks.
Good thing it's as close as the keyboard. :)
Copyright © 1999, Laurie Schnebly
Campbell.
All rights reserved.
You may reprint this chapter in whole or in part
provided credit is given to the author.
Laurie
Schnebly Campbell
spends her weekdays working as a video producer at a Phoenix advertising
agency for which she writes scripts, narrates commercials, directs
shooting crews and spends any down-time fantasizing about her current
romance novel. In the evenings, she plays with her husband and 12-year-old
son (who helps her solve plot problems), coaches newly diagnosed
diabetics, mentors other writers, teaches a catechism class and uses her
master's in counseling to work as a therapist with couples, women and
families on basic psychology and self-esteem. "People ask how I find time
to do all that," Laurie says, "and I tell them it's easy. I never clean my
house!" You can
e-mail Laurie, or visit her
web site.